i hurt my heart...

Since before Subuh its still raining outside.. Somehow, I think it reflect me. How I do feel right now..? Staying at office and got a lots of work to do but this mood kills me. I don’t know why.. I hope by the end of the week, it will be okay.... Even for the weekend. I feel lost, I feel lonely, I feel miserable, without knowing, what actually buzzing up in my mind.

Frankly, I’m tired. Tired to deal with all this things. Sometimes I feel my self so stupid! This heart so fragile and weak, but yet, am trying my best to fix it, and become more stronger day by day, or maybe.. I just pray for be heartless, don’t have any feelings towards anything. Just let be heartless. Its easy to handle this kind of feelings. No need to worry much about other people, do every single thing without considering other people’s feeling.

It seems, the word SORRY didn’t have any value anymore. It just a normal word since I keep using it time by time. I seem a problematic girl I guess. That’s why. Since I know I did cause a lot of trouble and problem here and there, that’s why that word always out from my mouth. I know, I can’t think very well when I do something. Now I think, that word doesn’t mean anything, especially to the one who I always make mistakes and cause trouble again and again. I’m trying to change, my very best, but seem, I failed. But, I’m trying to change it. I can’t afford to lose all the people that I love the most. I really can’t. It’s hard for me.

Somehow... I lost my own self in the cruel world. i almost giving up. Giving up on everything. Just wanna ran away… far away from everyone that I loved much. But somehow, I do realize, that they are some people who love me for the way I am. Who support me when I’m in the worst condition. I hope everything will be okay soon… even I don’t know for how long….but ya… hope .it will be fine…

satu. hajat

Aku punya banyak kekurangan.

Mengeluh sering kali memikirkannya.

Tetapi, aku punya Allah yang sentiasa mendengar.

Tempat aku mengadu.

Tempat aku meluahkan segalanya.

Tempat titisan air mataku gugur ketika sujud.

Beri aku masa untuk berubah.

Perkenankanlah doaku ini Ya Allah.

Aku yakin ia ada.

Itu saja aku pinta.

Cerita kita...

Aku harus terus menulis
Kerana menulis adalah mimpiku
Tapi..
Jika tulisanku adalah tangis..
Haruskah aku terus menulis?

Aku harus terus mencinta
Kerana cinta adalah roh dan wujudku
Tapi..
Jika cinta adalah perih...
Haruskah aku terus mencinta??

Antara kita, ada perbezaannya. Kalau sekalipun manis, mungkin diriku tidak semanis gula. Tapi dirimu manis semanis manisan. Tetap ada perbezaannya. Cerita kita juga tidak semua mempunyai isian yang sama. Tetapi kita mempunyai perasaan yang sama, impian yang sama, kenangan yang hampir sama, pengisian jiwa yang sama. Tetapi ke manakah hala tuju kita yang sama itu.??Andai suluhan takdir berpihak kepada kita, pasti seisi alam gembira dikongsi bersama. Jika sebaliknya, pasti kecewa bertandang kembali. Aku... meratah lorong-lorong kehidupan cinta yang berliku sekali lagi. Meninggalkan jejak dunia yang penuh kepura-puraan. Menghamparkan kasih di muara yang masih ada tepiannya. Tetapi, adakah esok masih samar? - Cerita Kita